dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
