She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
