Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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