he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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