thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
