he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
