Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
