I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
