You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
