I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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