You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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