just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
