This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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