This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
