I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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