so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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