What tipped you off? The sombrero?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
