He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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