I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
