Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize