I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
