I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
