hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
