oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
