Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
