hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
