M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize