You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
