Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Couch. On fire.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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