I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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