Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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