Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
