1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
