peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
