we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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