the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
