You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
North Korea, Best Korea!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
