i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
