I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
