once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
