grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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