how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
