Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
