Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
