Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
