Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
