I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I AM VODKA MAN
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize