Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
