this beer tastes like vomit already
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my poor anus
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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