she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
