the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
