so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
