there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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