And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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