I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
