I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The best revenge is premature balding
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
