Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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