it wasn't lemon gatorade
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
