If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Drunk is not a location!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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