Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
