sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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