I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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