I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
