How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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