Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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