She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
