the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
