hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm both gender and math confused
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
