Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
