I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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