i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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