I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
