I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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