Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
