Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
