i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
