final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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