He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
