Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
