I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
