we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
